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Family is a central aspect of life in Iraq and is central to a person’s sense of self and identity. Iraqi culture is very collectivistic, whereby people tend to put their family’s interests before their own. One finds Iraqis constantly considering the effects of their actions in relation to their parents, siblings, children, uncles and aunties. This stems from the notion of honour (sharaf and ‘i°ù»å) and shame (ayb), which sees a person’s actions be associated with their family’s honour (see Honour in Core Concepts). However, it also reflects a deep concern for the well-being of one’s family throughout Iraqi culture in general. For example, if one thought about moving abroad, they would consider how this affects their obligations and role within their family. Such consideration and closeness is known as ‘marboot’ (‘tied together’).

Family Structure

The average Iraqi household consists of six or more people – usually two parents and four children. This figure is similar among diaspora living in Western countries. For example, the Australian 2021 Census recorded that 44% of parents born in Iraq had three or four children, while 19.3% had five or more children. Iraqi families are traditionally patrilineal and patrilocal, meaning women usually move into their husband’s house at marriage, and the family lineage is carried through the male line. When children finish school or university, it is common to marry and subsequently move out of home. However, it is the general preference that children continue to live near their parents. Circumstances permitting, some children will stay in the same apartment building they grew up in.

Households may be multigenerational, whereby grandparents live with their adult children and grandchildren. There is a strong focus placed on taking care of one’s parents in Iraqi culture. It is the cultural expectation that children will look after their parents as they get older and tend to their needs. When visiting an Iraqi household, one may see elderly parents socialising with people their own age while their adult children bring them food and drink. This reflects a form of reciprocity whereby children repay the devotion their parents showed in raising them. It is considered shameful (ayb) to place an older Iraqi in a care home, viewed as a failure to uphold one’s familial responsibility to care for elders.

Gender and Family Roles

Iraqi society and families are broadly patriarchal. Traditionally, the father or oldest male is the head of the family and holds decision-making authority in the household. While the mother’s role is largely to fulfil domestic duties and provide direct care for the children, she garners an equal amount of respect from the children as the father. Ultimately, it is the general expectation that fathers are responsible for the family financially, while mothers care for the family domestically.

Women generally retain a significant influence on household affairs and are usually revered by their children. Iraqis tend to answer to their mothers obediently throughout their lifetime. If a wife moves in with her husband’s family (as is usually the case after marriage), their mother-in-law will become the female authority figure responsible for the newly-wed wife and any children that come from the marriage.

Family and gender roles have also shifted under the influence of Westernisation. For example, increasing entrepreneurship has influenced women to enter salary-paying jobs and political roles, and social media has changed how men and women meet.

Women in Iraq

Women’s participation and social roles in public have varied throughout modern Iraqi history. The Ba’athist regime passed laws to allow women in urban populations to enter the government’s workforce. During the Iran-Iraq War from 1980-1988, many women became the main breadwinner of their households, on top of their domestic roles and unpaid care work directed toward extended families, as such, entering the public. Nevertheless, after the war, the women's employment rate fell significantly as men reentered the workforce.

Between the end of the Iran-Iraq War and the reconstruction of the Iraqi state by American-led coalition forces in 2005, Iraq experienced economic decline. Likewise, some women felt increasing pressure to stay within their homes and limit their appearance in public life, feeling that as they could not keep up appearances or buy basic food, they would be the subject of gossip and shame (ayb).

In present-day Iraq, women socialise in private recreational facilities, such as women-only swimming pools and gyms. Otherwise, women may be in public in spaces dedicated to families, like public parks or shopping centres, with some cafes catering to the younger generations of both men and women. Public spaces in Iraq are gendered, and male presence dominates the streets. Masculine sights, such as soldiers, male-only restaurants and cafes, and security checkpoints, are common in Baghdad. In rural areas, women predominantly gather in the homes of friends and relatives through a separate entrance into the ‘h²¹°ù±ð³¾â€™ (a space reserved for women), sharing tea, coffee or sweets.

Relationships and Marriage

In cosmopolitan cities (such as Baghdad, Basra and Erbil), different genders mix, and one may meet potential partners through friends, university, or social media. Indeed, some couples may have relationships via social media for months or even years before ever meeting in person. Others may meet at weddings, family gatherings or work.

In smaller villages and more traditionally conservative families, potential partners may be suggested or arranged by other family members. For some Iraqis, preserving and continuing their lineage is central to marriage. It is very important to ensure a family’s respected name remains intact, especially for Arab and Kurdish families who identify with familial and tribal relations.

Marriage can be a lengthy process or remarkably quick. Some Iraqis consider it the most important event in their life. Conservative Muslim families usually negotiate a marriage contract at a ‘Katb Al-Kitab’ (‘signing of the book). During this event, the two families will decide on a ‘mahr’ (dower) - a payment of insurance to the bride in case of the husband’s death or divorce. Historically, payment of a mahr in Iraq was in precious metals in the form of jewellery, as these did not lose value. Today, this payment may be in cash or other tangible assets. Similar practices are found in Chaldo-Assyrian and Yazidi marriages. The dower for Chaldeans and Assyrians is known as ‘niqda’ and is similarly negotiated between families.

Much social conduct within a marriage is regulated by social customs around honour (sharaf and ‘i°ù»å) and shame (ayb) (see Honour in Core Concepts). A married man is expected to provide shelter and protection for his family, while a wife is expected to obey her husband and perform household duties. If any of these duties are not met or if one has committed a shameful act, a man or a woman can request a divorce from one another.

Divorce in Islamic marriages in Iraq may be initiated by either the husband (known as ‘talaq’) or mutually by both parties (known as ‘khul’), depending on the terms of the marriage contract. Khul allows a woman to initiate a divorce as well as a man, under the assumption that either party has not upheld their duties in marriage or committed shameful acts (ayb).

The practice of talaq is generally disapproved of by Islamic courts. However, it is practised and recognised in Iraq. Husbands who initiate talaq are considered reprehensible. They will lose the mahr and become indebted to their ex-wife’s family. As such, Islamic courts may consider men who initiate talaq to be of unsound mind due to the heavy financial burden. Sunni Muslims may accept talaq as a means to solve irreconcilable disputes, viewing it as a last resort. In some parts of the Islamic world, husbands can utter the word ‘³Ù²¹±ô²¹±ç’ three times to initiate a divorce. However, Shi’a Muslims, the majority in Iraq, consider this controversial practice divergent from Islam and do not recognise it.