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Verbal

• Communication: New Zealanders are relatively indirect communicators. They tend to avoid confrontational conversations and take careful measures to remain polite throughout discussion. However, people tend to speak openly and honestly enough that the intention and meaning of the message is clearly understood.
• Requests: New Zealanders often use softeners when making requests or giving orders (e.g. “I was just wondering if you would mind doing…”). Making direct requests to someone you don’t know can be seen as too abrupt, rude or inappropriate.
• Refusals: New Zealanders generally feel comfortable declining small gestures directly with a simple “No, thanks” or “No, sorry” (e.g. an offer for food). However, they tend to avoid giving direct refusals when asked something more involved (e.g. a request for a favour). They may say ‘no’ in a roundabout or indirect way, such as “I’m not sure” or “not really”. “Yeah nah” means “probably not”, while “Yeah right” means “definitely not” – especially when it’s said in a sarcastic tone.
• Interruptions: New Zealanders generally don’t interrupt or like to be interrupted when they are speaking. As a sign of respect, New Zealanders will normally let someone finish before speaking. There are occasions where it is necessary to interject and this can be done in an acceptable way by catching the eye of the person speaking to show you want to interject. If they continue to speak after you have done this, you might say “Sorry, can I just say something?” or something to a similar effect. Once you have their attention, be succinct and make your point, then sit back to indicate the person can carry on.
• Pace: New Zealanders speak English at a very quick pace compared to most English-speaking countries. They generally know this and don’t mind being asked to speak more slowly.
• Self-Deprecation: New Zealanders tend to be quite self-deprecating both in their conversation style and humour. This self-criticism is a way to appear humble, honest and relaxed about themselves. Joking about yourself in a similar manner is likely to make them feel more comfortable around you. However, avoid adamantly agreeing with someone else’s self-deprecating jokes or comments. Too much emphasis can become insulting.
• Swearing: Swearing is quite common in New Zealand, so it is normal to hear people curse at some point during a conversation. Television programmes are less censored as well, thus mainstream society is largely desensitised to many words that foreigners may find vulgar. Though you may hear New Zealanders swearing often, it is safest to refrain or only to do so in private with family and/or friends.
• Slang: New Zealanders use a lot of slang. This can be confusing even if English is your native language. Don’t be afraid to ask people for the meaning of what they are saying or to slow down or repeat what they said.
• Silence: New Zealanders sometimes grow uncomfortable when a conversation is punctuated with long periods of pause or silence and may try to fill the gap. On the other hand, Māori tend to be quite comfortable with silence and feel less of a need to create filler conversation.

Non-Verbal

• Eye Contact: It is considered rude not to look at the person when you are talking with them. Try to look directly at the person you are talking to. People often make enough eye contact to show their sincerity, but do not hold it for a long duration as this can seem scrutinising. Eye contact should be maintained directly and intermittently broken. However, be aware that some Pacific Island cultures and Māori consider direct eye contact to be disrespectful and confrontational. Therefore, if you notice that they are diverting eye contact from you, take it as a signal that you should do the same.
• Physical Contact: People tend not to touch each other much during communication unless they are close friends. Touching someone on the shoulder or arm in order to emphasise a point is generally acceptable, but can otherwise be seen as a sexual advance. That being said, women tend to be more tactile with one another than men. The traditional Māori greeting, the hongi, involves both genders briefly pressing their noses together. See ����ǰ������Ұ����پ��Բ���.
• Personal Space: New Zealanders usually keep about an arm’s length distance between one another when talking. Men tend to maintain more space from each other during conversation than women.
• Head: The head is considered tapu (sacred) in Māori culture and should not be touched. For example, affectionately patting someone’s head can be interpreted as disrespectful. See Māori Etiquette.
• Offensive Gestures: It is offensive to give someone the ‘middle finger’, by which a person flips up their middle finger with their hand in a fist, palm facing inwards. This gesture shows contempt or defiance and is considered an insult when performed with either hand. Similarly, it is a rude insult to raise one’s forefinger with the middle finger, or poke one’s tongue out at another person. Making the ‘V’ sign with one’s palm facing oneself is a rude gesture meaning “up yours”, more commonly used and recognised by older generations.

Communicating Conflict

New Zealanders tend to communicate their displeasure or offence with each other's actions through non-verbal or subtle signifiers. People from other cultures sometimes refer to this as ‘passive aggressive’. For example, if someone is rude, offensive, angry or insults another person, the recipient of the behaviour will not usually confront the person in the moment or express their feelings about the incident explicitly. Rather, New Zealanders tend to internalise their thoughts about the incident while at the same time withdrawing their warmth and friendliness. This more cold, distant, or professional demeanour is a non-confrontational way of signalling that they are unhappy.

There is often an unconscious, yet shared cultural understanding of this behavioural pattern and its inference on relationships among New Zealanders. When this situation occurs between New Zealanders, the person who was initially hurtful usually notices this change in behaviour and asks if they are okay. The typical response is to say “I’m fine” (or something to that effect), upon which the person will usually ask again if they have done something to upset the other person. This normally results in an explanation and conversation that restores understanding and goodwill. After the issue has been addressed, the relationship then resumes with warmth, friendliness, etc.

Cross-cultural misunderstandings can occur when this behaviour occurs between a New Zealander and a newcomer. A newcomer may not be aware they have upset a New Zealander without explicitly being told so. Similarly, they may not understand how they should interpret a change in behaviour. Some may view it as a passive aggressive way for the New Zealander to end the relationship and be hurt by it. Often, this results in a breakdown of the relationship with the New Zealander continuing to act cool/unfriendly, distant and professional.