Family
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A Somali’s family is the most important aspect of their life. It forms the basis of people’s support networks, with relatives being mutually reliant on one another. The “family” itself refers to an expansive network, including extended family members. Each family ‘ group’ also belongs to a broader and sub-clan(s) based on their shared ancestry with other Somalis. All affiliations are inherited through the father’s lineage. See Social Structure and Clan System Core Concepts for more information.
Family Dynamics
Somali families are very collectivist with communal responsibilities. For example, the whole family and community is considered to be responsible for a child’s parenting and upbringing. It is commonplace and accepted for a Somali child to be disciplined by another adult in the community that is not their parent.
Families often pool their resources and wealth so that everyone can meet collective needs. Relatives in more fortunate economic positions often feel a particularly strong sense of responsibility to support others. For example, a Somali person living in a Western country may prioritise sending money back to extended family members overseas rather than building their personal savings. Indeed, remittances from Somalis living abroad comprise nearly one-fourth of household incomes in Somalia.1
Parents and elders are highly respected throughout all sectors of Somali society. It is highly inappropriate for children to talk back to or disobey anyone older than themselves. Most people's decisions, especially women, continue to be influenced by their parents in adulthood. Elderly family members are cared for by their children and grandchildren into their old age.
Household Structure
The basic household structure is traditionally large and multi-generational. It is customary for women to move in with their husband’s family at marriage. Adult children rarely move out of their parents’ homes before they are married. Therefore, a traditional Somali household usually consists of three generations:
1. the eldest couple;
2. their sons, sons’ wives and any unmarried daughters; and
3. the children of adult sons and their wives.
In addition to these family members, 28% of households are home to a foster child and/or orphaned children.2 Somalis living in cities may also hire a live-in domestic worker who assists the women of the house with daily chores. At the time of the 2020 Demographic and Health Survey, the average household size in Somalia was 6.2 people.2
Most Somalis consider six or more children to be the ideal family size. This norm is reflected in the country's total fertility rate of 6.9 children per woman.2 However, women with no formal education tend to have twice as many children as those with high education (7.2 compared to 3.7 as of 2020).2
Gender Roles
Gender roles are clearly defined in Somalia, and household chores are separated. Men traditionally hold the most authority and decision-making power. They are responsible for the financial well-being and safety of the family. Meanwhile, women are expected to fulfil different, complementary obligations. They are mainly responsible for acquiring and preparing food, raising children and other domestic activities.
Somali women are renowned for being entrepreneurial and opportunistic in the face of hardship. There is a saying that “while a man is the head of the household, a Somali woman is the neck that helps direct the position of the head”.3 This describes women's significant influence in the home (particularly older women). Female-headed households have become increasingly prevalent in Somalia, comprising approximately one-third (32%) of all households.2 This trend is largely attributed to the challenges posed by war, inflation, drought, and male migration. Among displaced families, female heads of household are even more common, with estimates suggesting that 70% of these families are led by women, often widows or those abandoned by their partners.4 The limited labour market available since the war has been increasingly favourable to women. However, the 2020 Demographic and Health Survey found that only 9% of women aged 15-49 were employed in Somalia.2 Moreover, one in five employed women were not paid for their work.2
Overall, a woman’s independence and freedom to make choices for herself varies depending on the attitude of her husband or closest male relative. Participation in certain activities is also limited by social practices and norms. For example, female sexual modesty is considered to be especially important, with female virginity (and sometimes female genital mutilation) being seen as essential for marriage. Hence, women traditionally carry greater expectations of social compliance than men and are often seen as vulnerable targets that need protection (see Honour).5 Male relatives’ attitudes towards women can be very paternalistic in this regard, often viewing female family members as vulnerable targets that need protection. The ideal woman is expected to uphold modesty (xishood) and maintain a reserved, polite and humble demeanour.3 Basic freedom also varies between regions due to armed conflict and the rise of radical groups.
Relationships and Marriage
Dating practices (as they are understood in the English-speaking West) are almost non-existent in Somalia. Today, many young Somali men and women may interact more over mobile or online messaging. However, it is considered improper to socialise with a member of the opposite gender alone unless the two people are married. Unmarried men and women should only interact in public places or community events. If they grow close, it is expected that they announce their engagement.
Marriage
Marriage is considered a religious and social imperative in Somali culture, symbolising not only the union of two individuals but also their respective families. When a woman marries a man from a different , she becomes a member of her husband’s family and clan (whilst retaining connections and legal ties with her original clan). Historically, interclan marriages were common and served as a means to establish alliances between clans. However, since the Civil War, marriages within sub-clans have become more prevalent. Somalis living overseas tend to be less concerned about a potential partner's clan affiliation.
Somalia's marriage practices follow a system, where brides relocate to their husbands' homes. As the husband assumes financial responsibility for his wife after marriage, there's an expectation for him to be financially secure. This cultural norm contributes to a significant age gap between spouses, with brides typically younger than their husbands. Marriage is often seen as a way for women to achieve social and financial security. As a result, parents frequently encourage their daughters to marry at a young age. This cultural preference has led to a high prevalence of child marriage. According to a 2020 survey in Somalia, 16% of women aged 20-49 were married before the age of 15, and 34% were married by the age of 18.2
Arrangement and Engagement
Marriages are traditionally arranged in Somalia and involve multiple stages of negotiation as members of each family indirectly assess the other. When it becomes clear that both parties are interested, both families gather several times to get to know one another before openly discussing engagement plans. Prospective brides and grooms are usually allowed to have the final say as to whether they want to accept or decline the match made by their families. It is also becoming more common for parents to consider their child’s love interest if the match is suitable.
Engagements are negotiated and agreed upon through a formal process. Traditionally, elders from the man’s side of the family present the woman’s family with a payment representing the commitment to the marriage (sooryo). The exact amount varies based on the families’ economic statuses. The bride’s family then distributes this payment among everyone in both families, and a ceremony is held to celebrate the engagement. The bride’s (maher) is also declared and registered during the engagement ceremony.
Polygamy
, specifically (having multiple wives), is legal in Somalia. This is in accordance with interpretations of Islamic (Shari’a) law, which allows a man to marry up to four wives. While not the norm in most Somali households, it remains a fairly common marital practice.
Under the Family Code, polygamy is permitted in exceptional circumstances if a man’s existing wife is infertile, imprisoned, terminally ill, or unjustifiably absent.6 Men wishing to marry a second (or subsequent) wife are generally expected to have the financial capacity to adequately provide for them – often separate living quarters and kitchen or residence for each wife. Somali civil law requires a man to obtain court authorisation to marry an additional wife. However, polygamous marriages frequently occur through informal systems according to customary or religious law. In rural areas, it is common for men to marry multiple wives outside of court supervision without restriction.7
Perspectives on polygamy are mixed among the general Somali population, and there are no official estimates about the prevalence of this form of marital union.8 Rough approximations suggest that one-fifth of the Somali population lives in polygamous households.3 In 2023, a cross-sectional study involving 607 women in Mogadishu found that 28.3% were in polygamous marriages.9 However, polygamy is reported to have decreased in recent years, primarily due to displacement and worsening economic conditions.8
Divorce
Divorce is rare in Somali communities and is generally viewed as a last resort. In Somalia, both men and women may seek divorce by filing a marriage dissolution (faskh) through the court.10 Men also have the power to unilaterally end the relationship outside the court, unless the divorce concerns a critical dispute.10 It is common for women to have custody of children, with the father providing financial support.